He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
