I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
