My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
