some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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