I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
