Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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