I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
