I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
