he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
