You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
