We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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