Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize