If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You may now shotgun with the bride
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dick very happy bro
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
