Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
