im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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