I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
