he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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