and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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