I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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