I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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