the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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