we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
