i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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