I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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