I'm so fucking centered right now
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
