hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
