By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
