This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
