dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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