Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
