sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
