I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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