dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
