I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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