I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
