i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
