I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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