Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
