Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
