I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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