sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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