We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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