Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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