Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
