my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
