When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
