were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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