I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
