He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
