sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
