atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
