toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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