its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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