you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
