you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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