Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
