we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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