I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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