I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
