Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
