I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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