Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
