I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He kissed a someone with a penis
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
