Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
