i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize