just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
