Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
