I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
