im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
