areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Houston, we have a blender
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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