I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
