What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
