I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
