it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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