oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
