I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I could make wine with my vomit
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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