This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
