I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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