I want to stick my p in your. b.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think I just sharted jello shots
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