Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize