we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also, beer. Big fan.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
