saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
