so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
