well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
