I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
