Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
