shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
