i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
