Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
