I just made out with a guy for $7.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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