I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
