Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
