I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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