oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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