I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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