a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
