meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
