Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
