he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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