the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
