He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
