So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
