last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
