I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize