I heard we made out
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
